so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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