I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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