I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
