So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I met the friendliest cop last night
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
