sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
