apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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