apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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