But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
