12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
