Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This is the high leading the old right now
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
