new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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