Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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