She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
