Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
