Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
