i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
