No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
