There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
