Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
