This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
