i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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