If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
