My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
