I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
