is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Still dying that you shit outside
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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