It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
