You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
