He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
