went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
