I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
How's work?
Spinning.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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