She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
