If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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