I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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