So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She bit a glass in half.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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