god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
