get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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