i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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