Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
