for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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