Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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