he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
