You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize