i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize