Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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