We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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