she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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