you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
