yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Sober January is a disaster.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
