The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
