I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
