OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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