dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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