maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
