Moan for me like Helen Keller
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
