my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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