all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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