So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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