yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
