i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we made out on top of his cat.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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