she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
