i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
