Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
