Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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