I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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