dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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