wanna go halves on a baby?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
