No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
