she was so not down for the gang bang
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
