Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
