the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
where are my eyebrows?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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