Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
