I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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