I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
