I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
